“I’m tired of people expecting perfection out of me. I’m tired of excepting perfection out of me. Even though I know this is complete falsehood, I’m tired of feeling like I have to be perfect to be loved. When others fail, I still love them. Why do I feel this grace is above me? Why does it reach everyone but me? Why can they fail, receive grace and love, but when I fail I get hostility? I get disappointment. “We didn’t expect this out of YOU?” they say.
Or what about when I don’t fail? What about when I am doing my best, but my best still falls short? When I try and try and try and still finish behind? Why isn’t that good enough? Why can’t you be proud of me for trying?
Why can’t you just love me for who I am? Why is my devotion not enough?”
The above is a monologue of complete ridiculousness. If I filter my thoughts through the lens of the gospel, I am reminded that in fact I am not perfect. It’s ok that I’m not perfect because that’s how I was born. I am just like everyone else. Jesus knows that I sin and fall short that’s why He died. I am loved. I am loved by him and others. Everything is ok, and there is no reason to freak out. Yet, even knowing this truth, It’s surprising how often I let the above monologue have center stage in my mind.
It’s important for me not to neglect filling my head with showers of truth.
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is–his good, pleasing and perfect will.- Romans 12:2
